I'm really only writing to end the quiet. I have something to say to all of you, but not the desire to say it.
It's been a marvelous roll of weeks tumbling on. Though not with you.
I'm distant, silent, quiet, bored. Standoffish, rude and impatient.
It's possible you'll never be me or him or us and I hear my heart thinking less and less about you.. . .. ... I feel guilty and sad... ... ... . . . and I try and stare and think of a way to change....... . . but I know it won't ever.
It will always be this or less.
No matter who I am, you will be who you are.
I've never been good for many and often only for one.
(I have been chastised so many times for this!)
At the risk of loneliness or reward of solitude, this is the way I've lived my life.
Whatever it is you like in me, it always amazes me that it's enough.